|Posted on July 23, 2009 at 2:14 AM|
I remember the tenderness in your voice the first time I heard it. I remember you saying thesilliest things. I knew you were the most important person in my life. I knewwe were linked together. It is humbling to think God made me for you and youfor me. We were made for his Glory. I remember the first visit to Doctor Livensand the words, "It's positive. Congratulations you're pregnant." It still seems like a dream that I will wake up from.
Out of all the new experiences during the pregnancy, I remember the spicy pickled nachos that hit the spot. That was gross most peoplesaid I'm sure, but it's not theirs to digest. I remember listening to Bach and Beethoven. I think I liked Bryan Adams too. I remember all the kicks and jabs that were delivered dancing to the beats. Looking back on all that now, I wish I could experience it again.
In the early stages, I tried to imagine your face. I longed to feel your comforting, warming touch that would tell me all would be okay and the world is a good place to live, love, and grow. You were everything I wanted. Truth is, you were all I needed. All my life, some people called me names and didn't think I deserved to have you in my life because of how things needed to be. I'm as much of a person as they are. I remember how excited I was to feel and hear your heartbeat. It made me feel as though we were the only ones in the world. I dreamed of the day we would hold one another and dance the night away.
Do you remember the day, my hair was pulled back into pigtails and we spent the day snorting and having fun? What about the time myheart was broken and you promised to make it better with chocolate cake and scotch tape? I so long to cherish those precious memories, but I can't.
What will you remember?
The truth is I don't remember the pigtails, cake, or tape. I don't remember themusic. I can't recall even hearing your voice unless it was the loud hateful sound that was constant. I was twelve weeks old. I was only with you for three months and you decided to kill me. I know you didn't mean to get raped. You were the victim first before you became a murderer. I heard you call me a mistake. The politicians called me a fetus. God called me chosen when he created me. Did I want to call a rapist Daddy? No. Did I want to call amurderer Mom? I never had the chance.
I feared the word Misoprostol, but you let me live past the age range for that murderousdeath. Suction Aspiration is a nice way to say death. Mom, I remember trying to kick that suction thing away. It invaded my womb, my sanctuary! It started decimating my home and me! I open my mouth! I'm screaming! Mom, save me! Oh God it's ripping my toes. I hear my limbs coming apart! I can't see! My entire body is being savagely torn apart! This was not a choice! It's murder! Can't they hear my heartbeat? Can't they see I'm not a fetus, or a mistake, but a child created by God? My body is gone!
"Is number one out?"
"What are you doing? What?s that metal thing on my head doing? Oh no!It?s bearing down on me! I can?t stop it! It hurts It hurts It h-----------------------------------."
If the baby could talk now, she would say that this has not been graphically presented as a fundamentalist scare tactic, but rather as a presentation of how far gone our society has plunged when the act of murderis semantically sabotaged and referred to as choice. Our current president, Barrack Hussein Obama once said he did not want his daughters punished with a mistake referring to "unplanned" pregnancy in his defense of murder known as abortion.
With that being said, the same self-professed Christianpresident cannot say when life begins. Christian people hold The Bible sacred as God's holy, inerrant (without error), Word. We know that God knit us in our mother's womb and that He knows us before we are born. We know this because TheBible says it is so! In a Stephen King novel one character said, "God knows thetruth and waits." One day the unified voice of the murdered unborn will be heard with a loud trumpet. Woe be to those murderers in the guise of healers that killed helpless children and those who allowed it.
Most murderous mommas say it was not an easy decision to make. Most regret it after learning the truth of God's Word. Some will cling to the excuse that it was either her or the baby. It is what it is; ripping apart a living breathing creation inside your own body is not a procedure. It is murder.